How Could You?
by Narnian Nights
Summary: The Pevensie's never made it to Narnia. Edmund grows out of his bratty stage, but moves into a depressed one. And Peter doesn't help his situation. MAIN CHARACTER DEATH!
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing!_**

**WARNING!: MAIN CHARACTER DEATH!**

**Authoress's Note: Now, this story is alot more depressing than what I'm used to. But the idea got in my head and would not get out! Even when I banged my head against the wall. Kidding, I wasn't that desperate. So I wrote it down and WALLAH came up with this. And I'm in a bad mood anyway so I thought 'What the heck, why not!' So enjoy. **

**P.S. This is one of those set in 2008 America story's. Keep that in mind. 'Cause if you don't, then you'll be really confused.**

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As I sat in the dark once more, I listened to Linkin Park's 'Numb', wishing I could be anywhere but here. I pulled my sweat jacket tighter around me as I saw the bedroom door open. Here come's the cause of all my pain. As Peter walked in the room, a dissapointed look on his face, I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong. Despite everything, I don't hate him, even though I have the right. He's in the right, after all. I'm nothing but a stupid teenager who stays in his bedroom listening to his IPod all the time. But I turned it off and put it on the bedside table when he turned the light on, blinking to adjust to the light.

"What's up, Pete?" I asked.

"Like you care." he snapped. I bit back any response that would most likely turn futile and kept my mouth shut. "See. I knew it!" he said.

"I do care about you, Peter. You know I do." I said.

"Sure you do." he snapped slamming his backpack down "Why don't you just drop dead!" he snapped walking from the room.

And once again, Peter is right! I should just drop dead. What am I here for anyway? Nothing of importance, I'm sure. I'm just the black sheep of the family who means absolutely nothing to anyone. I think the only one who truely cares about me is Lucy. She's always trying to get me to smile. But she usually has to settle for fake one's. She typically comes to me when she has a bad dream. That's when the genuine reassuring smiles break through. And she does have the strangest dreams. Sometimes I do too. The place I usually wish I could go when I sit in the dark. I emerse myself in the world that isn't there. I know Lucy does too at times, but not as often as I do. My grades are slipping because of it. But I figure why even try.

It's kind of strange. At times Peter says he loves me and that he's sorry for snapping, but he always snaps again later. And all I ever hear from my parents, Susan, and other relatives is 'You should be more like your brother'. I would love to be more like him. Handsome, talented, does well in school. No wonder the girl's chase after him! But Lucy always comes to my rescue and says I'm perfect the way I am. Perfect my arse! If I'm perfect this world is doomed!

I knew mum and dad had left. Lucy was at a friend's house. And Susan was out with her latest boyfriend. So basically Peter and I were the only one's home. I know he's downstairs, watching TV most likely. This made thoughts come to my mind that I have truthfully never had before... suicide. I tried to shrug it off but it only became more intense, and soon it didn't seem like such a bad idea after all. The only person who would miss me would be Lucy. I knew she would. Mainly because she's only one who ever calls me 'Ed' or even 'Eddie' anymore. It's always 'Edmund' and never my nickname. I miss that. Susan calling me Ed. Peter calling me Ed. Mum calling me Ed. And Dad calling me Ed. But no. That's changed. No one cares anymore.

I couldn't move the thought from my mind. It was right there staring me in the face. It was right there... under my pillow. My family didn't know this about me, not even Lucy, and I liked it that way. She'd probably freak out if she knew. I always keep a knife under my pillow, and when I get the chance I cut myself. The pain is good in my opinion, it means I can still feel something, even if I've blocked off all other emotions to anyone but maybe Lucy. Without thinking I pulled up the sleeves of my sweat jacket to look at the scars. Peter figured I was just cold all the time... boy was he wrong. Hey, for once, Peter's wrong. Or maybe he knows and just doesn't say anything.

Once again I tried, without success, to push the thoughts of suicide from my mind. I tried to add logic too it to make it to where it was wrong. For one, I'd be killing myself, murder. That's one of the ten commandments. Thou shalt not kill. I'm fairly sure that counts yourself.

_"But what do you care?" _a voice in the back of my head spoke.

"I don't." I sighed aloud. I reached under the pillow to grab the knife. I pulled my sweat jacket off. Slashing at my wrist's would kill me, but I wanted to do it quickly, and that would only kill me slowly. My hands wre shaking as my mind went over what I was about to do. I decided to leave Lucy a note. She deserved that much. So I put the knife to the side for the moment and wrote Lucy a quick note. I placed it in clear sight and wrote another to Peter. I didn't even think of writing one for Susan. But regardless I wrote a quick one for her. Mum and dad didn't need an explanation. Like they'd care anyway. I made sure each note was easily seen before bracing myself. It would hurt, but only for a moment.

I heard someone walking up the steps, Peter most likely, and ran over, quickly locking the door. The door nob turned but the lock prevented it from turning.

"Edmund, let me in." I heard Peter call.

"Go away!" I snapped. That's the first time I've ever snapped.

"Come on, it's my room just as much as it is yours." he called.

"Well it will be your room soon enough!" I yelled picking up the knife.

"Why?! Edmund let me in!" he called, pounding on the door.

"I said go away!" I yelled, tears now streaming down my face.

"LET ME IN!" he called. His voice was more desperate than I had ever heard it.

"I'm sorry Peter." I called, holding the knife but a few inches from my chest.

"ED! LET ME IN!" he yelled. Ed? This caused me to pause for a moment. He called me Ed. For once, he called me Ed. I knew I had to do it quick when he started hitting the door. It would bust down soon. And then I would loose the opportunity.

I clenched my eyes tight and forced the knife into my chest, piercing my heart. When the pain hit, my eyes shot back open. I pulled the knife out and it fell from my grip. Not but a second later I was on the floor. And with a final gasp, I slipped away.

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I told you it was depressing! Did I not! I know I did! I did, didn't I? Anywho... this may or may NOT be a one-shot. It's hard to tell at this point. Please review! I'd really enjoy it!


	2. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing!_**

**Authoresses Note: I know it's really short, but it's powerful. Lucy's will be longer, I promise. And if I think of something more to add to this chapter, I'll edit it, but idk right now. It was hard enough writing this. But you wonderful reviewers asked for more, so this is the first step to a bigger part. Lucy's almost done so she'll be up quickly. Anyway, please review! **

_How Could You_

_Chapter 2. Peters Regret_

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It seemed so unbelievable Edmund was acctualy dead.

It was hard retelling the story to the police. I felt so ashamed.

One. By the fact I had let my baby brother slip away so easily.

And two. I was crying like a freakin baby!

The men said they understood and gave us their deepest condolences, but that was not enough. So what, people felt sorry for us and said they'd pray for us, but really, what good would that do?

And then a thought struck me... how am I going to tell Lucy? They had been so close. But was she the reason he had held onto life until now? If Lucy wasn't here, would he have been dead a long time ago? It was hard to say. I didn't know him like I used to. And I knew it was my fault he was dead. If I had just gotten in their quicker. If I had not been so cruel to him. If I had just... wait, why did the word 'just' stick out. It was strange. But I shook it off, and stared at the ground as dad tried to calm mum down.

She was on the verge of hysterics, and it wouldn't be too long before she was. And it surprised me to see tears sliding down dad's cheeks as well. He truely never cried. I had _never _seen him cry, until now that is. But then again, I never cried, and I was about to break down any minute. What I wouldn't give to back up to the last time I had talked to him! What I wouldn't give to just hug him close, and tell him I loved him, and I'd never shout at him again.

Not even 2 hours had passed and my baby brothers death was taking a hard toll on me. What would happen when Susan got home? Or Lucy? I would have to tell them. How would I ever be able to live with the guilt. I wasn't sure, but I knew one thing... I'm never yelling at Susan or Lucy again.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing!_**

**Authoresses Note: Ok, so when I put the last chapter up, I realized that, miraculously, this chapter was finished. With a few minor adjustments it was ready for posting! So here you guys go! And review! They make me smile! And I'm also concidering writing chapters for Frank and Helen(their parents) as well. So the review count will also determine that. **

_How Could you_

_Chapter 3. Lucys Sorrow_

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"I'll see you tomorrow!" Melanie called.

I only waved my hand and raced down the street. Something was wrong. Something was terribly terribly wrong. I could feel it. I was panting half-way back to the house, but I didn't care. I was running as fast as my legs would take me, and it seemed to be taking an eternity to get back home. It gave me time to contemplate what might be happening. The thought that it might be nothing and I'm just being paranoid rung in the back of my mind.

But what was closest was 'Something's wrong with Ed.' I tried to push that one away. As far back as I could. Then the posibbility that Susan's boyfriend had broken up with her rang true. Yeah that's it. A tragedy to her, but nothing that wouldn't heal with time. But as I came into view of the house and saw it swarmed with polie cars, I nearly lost my nerve. I then saw an ambulance.

"NO!" I screamed, but a policeman pushed me back.

"I'm sorry little girl, but..."

"I LIVE HERE!" I screamed running past him. "EDMUND!" I called running through the house, only to be caught by Peter.

His eyes were puffy and red... he'd been crying. His shirt was covered in blood, but he didn't seem hurt.

"WHERE'S EDMUND?!" I yelled.

"Lucy... I..."

"WHERE IS HE?!"

"I... hear." he said putting a note into my hands. I immediately recognized it as Edmund's handwriting. I ripped the note open...

_Dear Lucy,_

_I'm sorry...._

I scrunched up the note, I couldn't read anymore. There was more to it than just that, but I knew what it would say. I knew what he had done. And I knew it was my fault. If I had just been here! If I hadn't accepted Melanie's offer to come over.

I shoved the note in my pocket and ran from the house. I heard Peter call my name but ignored him. I wish I would just wake up! This is a dream! It has to be! Surely it is! It has to be! Edmund would never do that! He wouldn't! He wouldn't leave me behind with two siblings who never pay me any attention. Oh God _please _let this be a dream! I knew Peter would chase me for a while. So I ran down the street, until I heard him give up.

I glanced behind before I stopped running. Sure enough, he wasn't there. I slowed to a walk, shoving my hands in my pockets, my hand hitting the note. I ignored it for now. I made it to the park and sat on one of the swings.

It was then that I finally took the note out of my pocket to read it. I sucked in my breathe and began reading.

_Dear Lucy,_

_I'm sorry. This is really hard for me to write, I truely don't want to do this, but by the time you get this, I won't be here anymore. I'm sick of Peter. And I'm trusting you won't tell him I wrote that. I don't want him to feel guilty, though I doubt he will. But if he ever has a change of heart, which is possible, I know, I don't want him to think this is his fault. And I know your probably thinking that it's your fault instead. And Lucy, trust me, it's not your fault. This had absolutely nothing to do with you, so don't think it is your fault. I'm sorry I had to leave you, I didn't mean to hurt you in any way. I hope you'll always remember me, and the way I was. Not this downcast outcast, though I've always been the outcast, I've been ever since I turned 12. I now wish I had spent more time with you. I mean I know we went to the park alot, and stuff like that, but still, I know I could have spent more time with you. But either way, I love you, and I'm begging, please don't feel guilty. Concider it a last wish. Another last wish, please don't start dating anytime soon! I love you Lucy, my little squirt._

_-Edmund_

The tears ran freely down my cheeks. Squirt! He called me squirt! Again! But I'll cherrish it all the same. My best friend is gone. And by his own will. And I couldn't do anything to stop him. This caused me to cry harder. I never even got to say good-bye!

"Are you alright, dear?" I heard someone asked.

I didn't look up, or even acknowledge the fact someone asked me something. I mean what are they thinking asking me a question like that when I'm SOBBING UNCONTROLABLY! Whoever this person is must not be to smart.

"Hello?" I heard the person ask.

I felt the urge to snap, but bit my lip. "No." I replied, my voice hoarse.

I looked up and until now I hadn't realized the person speaking was a creepy-looking middle-aged man with a strange look on his face. Oh great. I stood up, shoving the note in my pocket. "Sorry, I'm not allowed to talk to stranger's." I said walking past the man.

And either this dude's really short, or I'm really tall! But then I remembered I was about as tall as Edmund, so I'm pretty tall. Oh well, the taller I am the faster I can run! And now I remember why I'm not allowed to come to the park alone... the convicted sex offender who lives not to far away from the park. As soon as I was past him I took off at a dead run. The wind was now against me, making my eyes water and my vision blurry.

No one seemed to pay any attention to the girl running down the street, a complete wreck, being chased by a big creepy guy! A block away from the house I heard him right behind me, a near arms length away.

"PETER!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I could see the house now, but it was still a ways away. Please have heard me, Peter! Please! Right on cue, the front door was wrenched open, revealing Peter, dad, and Susan and mum not to far behind them. "HELP!" I screamed.

Peter and dad raced down the steps. Before they reached the bottom, I tripped over a crack in the cement. I slid for a moment before feeling myself being roughly pulled to my feet. A second later I was falling again, but someone caught me before I hit the ground. I heard hitting, but whoever had me was now rocking me back and forth, while stroking my hair. I was afraid to look. I couldn't quit tell the difference between Peter and dad.

"Lucy?" I heard dad ask. And it wasn't the person holding me, so I came to the conclusion that Peter was the one who caught me, and dad was the one who fought.

"LUCY!" I heard Susan scream. Oh great... more grief! I pulled myself away from Peter, walked past Susan, and up to my room. Like they cared about me anyway. I groaned when I remembered the fact that Susan and I shared a room. _'Wonderful...' _I shoved my head in my pillow, and eventually I had cried myself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing!_**

**Authoresses Note: I had ideas for Mr. and Mrs. Pevensie, but I found a way to end it. And it was nearly painless for the Pevensies so I went with it. Now I can focus on more upbeat stories. Please review!**

_How Could You_

_Chapter 4. Susans Grief and Acceptance._

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Susans POV

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The swing I sat on rocked back and forth, lulling me to as peaceful as state I was going to get. But it reminded me of what happened when I first woke up.

When I walked downstairs to the breakfast table, I found most everybody seat empty, except for mom and dad. This shocked me because Edmund wasn't there. He's always the first one at the table... even before mom and dad. And when I asked where he was, mom burst into tears, and dad looked very near it.

"Susan, do you remember what happened yesterday?" was his question.

"Yeah, I went to school, came home, ate dinner, took a shower, and went to bed." I had replied.

He and mom had exchanged a worried and concerned glance before looking back at me. They quickly reminded me of what had happened the previous day, and before they could stop me I had run out of the house, tears streaming down my face. I couldn't go upstairs, Lucy was still asleep, so outside was the best option. The farthest I made it was to the swing tied to a tree in the back yard. More like a hunk of wood with rope on each side tied to a branch. It had been there as long as I could remember, so I sat on it, my back to the house. Which brought me to where I am now.

I gripped the ropes until my knuckles turned white in an effort not to cry. My shoulders were trembling, but I continued to fight back the tears that threatened me.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Lucy there. I could see the tears glistening in her eyes, which caused a sob to make it's way past my lips. That was all Lucy needed to throw her arms around my neck. We embraced each other tightly, sobbing into each others shoulders. This was the first time I had cried. I couldn't find the tears yesterday, the shock had been to fresh.

Peter crying had been to much of a shock. Lucy nearly being taken had been to much of a shock. And Edmund taking his own life had been way to much of a shock. I had been numb yesterday, but today I could start fresh.

After a few moments I felt someone pull their arms around both Lucy and I, and the sound of Peter crying could be heard.

So the three of us sat, now on the ground, crying as one, a bond forming as we did. We would miss Edmund, of course, but maybe life wouldn't be so miserable after all.


End file.
